I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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