I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize