What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
