All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
