The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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