Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
