Where is the hickey?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
