"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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