please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
