that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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