The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
