dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
