I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
