I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
