the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
