i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
