God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..