Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...