you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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