Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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