I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
