If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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