So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
