when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
