omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
