i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
