I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
