textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize