I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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