Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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