she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
