Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize