I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
