Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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