She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask