you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
last night I used snow as a chaser