I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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