this beer tastes like vomit already
if only i could text you this smell
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.