He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?