so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?