every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....