he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!