I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.