Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.