there's paper in my vomit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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