it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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