god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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