who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're like the curious george of whores
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
