my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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