wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.