OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself