I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?