I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
