I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
