I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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