What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
