This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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