Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
