omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize