He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize